Zayn Malik is reflecting on the good times he had with his One Direction bandmate Liam Payne following his tragic death on October 16.

“Liam, I have found myself talking out loud to you, hoping you can hear me. I can’t help but think selfishly that there were so many conversations for us to have in our lives. I never got to thank you for supporting me through some of the most difficult times in my life,” he began. “When I was missing home as a 17 yr old kid you would always be there with a positive outlook and reassuring smile and let me know you were always my friend and that I was loved.

“Even though you were young than me you were always more sensible than me, you were headstrong, opinionated, and gave no f— about telling people when they were wrong. Even though we butted heads because of this a few times, I always secretly respected you for it,” he continued.