5 of the Biggest Bombshells From Matt Lauer’s Accuser Brooke Nevils’ Memoir — Including the Disgraced ‘Today’ Host Being Branded a ‘Monster’

Matt Lauer‘s accuser Brooke Nevils came forward with her truth in a new memoir.

In Unspeakable Things: Silence, Shame and the Stories We Choose to Believe, out on February 3, the former NBC talent assistant recounted the sexual encounters she had with the former Today show anchor, including the alleged assault that took place during the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.

According to Nevils, she was celebrating with her longtime boss, Meredith Vieira, after the broadcaster made history as the first woman to anchor prime-time Olympic coverage solo. Moments later, Lauer walked in and joined them.

“Everyone had not been drunk and alone with Matt Lauer insisting on having a— s–. None of them had been there with me in that spinning room, or in my drunk, unsteady body, or my blurred, frantic mind. No one could tell me I wasn’t losing my mind or that it wasn’t my fault or that it would be okay,” she wrote in part, per the excerpt shared by The Cut.

Elsewhere in the book, Nevils attempted to define the word “rape,” saying she hardly ever uses it “because when you hear the word rape, you think of a guy in a ski mask in the dark alley and fighting for your life.”

She continued, “And that’s just not the reality of how sexual assaults happen when most of the time it’s someone that you know and trust. So we don’t really have language to talk about this and we certainly didn’t in 2017 when I was reporting it.”

The next morning, Nevils found her underwear and bedsheet “caked with blood.” She also recalled feeling “hurt to walk” and “hurt to sit.”

“It hurt to remember,” she added.

In the memoir, Nevils said there were four more instances of alleged “inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace.”

She wrote, “Once Matt summoned me to his dressing room and I went; two other times I ended up there in the course of my day-to-day job. One encounter I even initiated, telling myself I wasn’t the same naïve idiot I’d been in Sochi or some girl Matt could just summon to her knees in his office, always thinking that this would be the time I took back control. But I never did. I just implicated myself in my own abuse.”

“One strikingly clear thought crossed my mind and then was instantly struck from my consciousness: If anyone else had done this to me, I would have gone to the police,” Nevils shared in her memoir.

However, calling the police after Lauer raped her in a hotel room was “an utterly useless thought to have.”

“If only because I knew that I would never, ever, have let anyone else do that to me and because I was in freaking Russia,” she recounted. “Who would I call? [Russian president Vladimir] Putin? The KGB?”

At the time, Nevils was only with other NBC employees, whose careers “were dependent upon Matt’s success.”

“Maybe that was a good thing for my ignorance was the only thing allowing me to function. I was not looking for clarity but the opposite. Ambiguity allowed me to avoid acknowledging the unthinkable, which would have changed my life forever. Who would choose to be a victim if there was any other option?” she continued.

While at Lauer’s $8 million apartment, Nevils recalled the former host unzipping the back of her dress before carrying an armful of towels when he returned to the room.

“Because he’s going to do it again. Because that has been the plan all along. I should have thought, He’s a monster. Instead I thought, You brought this on yourself. Yet I still find the courage to try to avoid the inevitable. I ask meekly, Why this?” she wrote.

Although Lauer’s employment was immediately terminated after Nevils reported him to NBC in 2017, she reportedly fell apart after the scandal broke that she decided to take a leave of absence.

“Now that life was gone, and I barely recognized the train wreck I’d become. I was compulsive, paranoid, and drinking all the time,” she confessed. “I felt I’d ruined everything, hurt and embarrassed everyone I loved. Soon I would find myself in a psych ward, believing myself so worthless and damaged that the world would be better off without me.”